


Apart

by NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Series: Everything Falls Apart (Or, A Story In Three Parts, With No Specific Order) [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LITERALLY, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, all of the angst, but it makes more sense, kind of, people make bad decisions, please read part 1 & part 2 before this, technically they aren't in chronological order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 00:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17314337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: This is a story written in three parts.The third is Apart.  He couldn't bear to be apart from his dark angel, but he tried.The worst part was that Virgil smiled, as though it was everything he wanted.  As though he was happy to be dying on his blood-soaked bathroom floor.  As though he didn’t care that he’d be leaving them all behind - not just Roman, but Patton and Logan, too."Why are you here?”“For a chance."“A chance for what?”“A chance to explain more.  To defend myself.  To give you my side of the story.  I’m more like Virgil than you think.”





	Apart

The image of Virgil’s smile was burned into Roman’s mind.

He would’ve loved that, under any other circumstances.  The rare times Virgil did smile, it was absolutely stunning, full of joy and perhaps a blush spreading across his cheeks.  An expression that, in Roman’s opinion, fit him perfectly.

But...it wasn’t just any smile stuck in Roman’s head.

 

Virgil had still been breathing when Roman first arrived.  There was still life in his dark eyes, and though they were filled with agony, both emotional and physical, at least it was still  _ there. _

Roman watched it fade.   _ He watched Virgil die. _  But that wasn’t even the worst part.

The worst part was that Virgil smiled, as though it was everything he wanted.  As though he was happy to be dying on his blood-soaked bathroom floor. As though he didn’t care that he’d be leaving them all behind - not just Roman, but Patton and Logan, too.  And at the time, he thought Virgil would also be leaving Dee, but according to Patton, Dee had already left  _ him. _

Patton had filled him in on everything afterwards.  Virgil’s self-harm, the abuse, Dee’s manipulative tendencies that made Virgil believe it had been his fault.

Roman had cried so much that day, he hadn’t been sure if he’d ever be able to cry again.  He was very quickly proven wrong.

 

The funeral had been hell.  

Patton had been sobbing so hard he could barely talk.  Nonetheless, he still tried to control his tears, put on a neutral face (because happiness really wouldn’t be appropriate at a funeral), offer help and comfort to everyone - Roman could see that it was killing him to do so when he really just wanted to cry, but this was Patton.  Patton, who was willing to fall apart, crack into pieces so small that you would lose them and something would always be missing, but he still couldn’t bear to see anyone else upset.

Logan had been standing off to the side with silent tears running down his face as well.  He rejected any conversation, anyone who attempted to approach him - even Patton. Logan seemed to have completely shut down, staring into the distance with dead, watery eyes.

And Roman...well, he just tried not to think about how maybe Virgil had been onto something when he’d done what he’d done.

None of them wanted to speak at the funeral.  Not in front of all those people. Patton seemed to be the only one who could pull himself together for long enough, but he barely got halfway through what he wanted to say before he was interrupted by the very last person any of them wanted to see.

Dee had sauntered in, looking around in mock dismay and asking why he hadn’t been invited to his own boyfriend’s funeral.

And that?  That, apparently, was Patton’s breaking point.

An agonized, furious sob tore free from his throat as he bolted toward Dee, and before anyone could really process what was happening, Patton had punched him with all of his might, shoved him to the ground, and ordered him - in this strange, low, growly voice that Roman had never heard before and never wanted to hear again - to  _ get out. _  Told him that if he’d really cared about Virgil, he wouldn’t have hit him, wouldn’t have manipulated him, wouldn’t have broken up with him, wouldn’t have driven him to do this.

Dee left with bruises already forming on his face and a hurt, almost scared expression.

 

So, yeah.  The funeral had been hell, and Roman almost wished he hadn’t gone.  He hadn’t known what to say or how to act or what to do or who to talk to or how to help his grieving friends and Virgil’s grieving family.

But here he was now, standing in front of Virgil’s grave, wracking his brain for something,  _ anything. _  He had to say something, but no matter what he said, Virgil would never hear it.

So, really, he had nothing to lose.

“Hey, Virge,” he began shakily.  “Uh, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for not speaking at your funeral...it was just too hard, you know?  I - I really miss you. And anything I would’ve wanted to say, I’d have to say in front of all of those people, you know?  I couldn’t just talk to you like this. And in front of all those people who had no idea what you went through...I wouldn’t have been able to be honest.  And honestly…” He trailed off, swallowing hard. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. Patton told me everything, about Dee and how he was hurting you and how you were hurting yourself, and it broke my heart.  You know you could’ve said something, right? I would’ve been there for you whenever you needed me.

“And...he also told me what you said.  About, um, about loving me. I want to say something about that, but I don’t have the words.  Give me some time - I’ll figure it out eventually, I promise. Right now, it’s too hard. I’m so sorry, Virgil.

“But can I just tell you one thing?  I think I lost something when you died.  Like, you’re gone, and I feel like you took something with you.  And now, without it and without you, I have absolutely no clue where I’m going or what I’m doing.  I’m scared. I’m supposed to be brave, right? And you’re always worrying about one thing or another, so you would think that without you, I would be all - all confident, or something, but I’m not.  I’m really not, Virge. I have absolutely no idea what’s wrong with me, but I’m so scared without you. Look, I never said it, but I need you.”

“Roman?”

Oh, no.  Roman recognized that voice.

He tore his gaze away from the grave and spun around to face him.  Dee, standing there in a short-sleeved green button-down shirt with a bouquet of black roses in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” Roman demanded, tone hostile and almost protective.

“Can’t I pay my respects at Virgil’s grave?” Dee asked, eyes wide and innocent as he stepped past Roman to place the flowers by Virgil’s headstone.  “Seeing as I was chased out of the funeral and all…”

“Hey, Patton had a good reason for doing that!” Roman protested.  “After everything you did to Virgil, all the ways you hurt him - it’s your fault he’s dead!”

“I never did anything to him,” Dee lied.  “You know, I heard that unrequited love can drive people to do terrible things...perhaps it’s  _ someone else’s  _ fault.”

Roman’s jaw clenched as he tried to stop himself from lashing out.  “Don’t you  _ dare _ try to turn this on me,” he growled.  “I had no idea how he felt. He never told me, so I never even got a chance to tell him if I feel the same way.”

“And do you?”

The sharp suddenness in the question threw him off.  “I - I don’t really know.”

“Oh, but I think you do,” Dee said quietly.  “I think you were in love with him, and you won’t be able to get over him for a long, long time, and you can’t stand the fact that he destroyed any chance you ever had at a relationship by killing himself.  But it’s in the past now, isn’t it? You’ve got to move on.”

Though Roman hated to admit it, he knew that Dee was probably right.  But he wasn’t ready to move on, not yet.

“I detest you,” Roman muttered through gritted teeth, glaring up at Dee.

Dee met his gaze evenly, staring right back at him.  “Virgil’s dead now,” he said, as if Roman hadn’t figured that out yet, as if Roman wasn’t being torn apart, as if Roman was blind and deaf to the world around him.

But that wasn’t all Dee had to say.

“Virgil’s dead and you’re still here.  On some level, Roman, I think you know that it was your fault.  That if you and Virgil had never met, or if you’d confessed earlier, or if you’d seen the signs, maybe...maybe none of this would’ve happened.  And on some level...maybe you wish Virgil had taken you with him.”

Roman stood there for a moment, dumfounded at how Dee seemed to know what he was feeling before Roman knew it himself - or perhaps it was Dee putting words in his mouth.

After a moment of silence, he found his voice.  “So-so what? It’s not like you would care if I died, if I went out the same way he did.  It’s not like it would matter, so what’s the point in living?”

“True,” Dee conceded.  “But Patton and Logan...I wonder how they’d feel, losing another one of their best friends, so soon after what happened to Virgil…”

“Enough about that.  Why are you here?”

“For a chance,” Dee said vaguely.

“A chance for what?”

“A chance to explain more.  To defend myself. To give you my side of the story,” Dee explained.  “I’m more like Virgil than you think.”

Roman’s eyes flicked to Dee’s exposed wrist, and he bit his lip to keep himself from crying.

Scars.

“Okay,” he agreed quietly after a moment.  “I’ll give you a chance.”

Dee smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes, and held out a hand to Roman.  “Want to go grab a cup of coffee? And we can talk about...everything that happened?”

_ He’s a liar!  Don’t listen to him!  And don’t you  _ **_dare_ ** _ take his hand! _

It was Virgil’s voice, somewhere in the back of Roman’s head.

_ He just wants to explain his side of the story, _ Roman argued.   _ What harm could it do? _

“That sounds great.”

Dee’s smile only grew as Roman took his hand.

Together, they walked out of the cemetery.

 

It was nine years until Roman felt like he was ready to return.  Being apart from his dark angel for so long had been like torture, but going back, he found, was just as bad.

As he bled out on his own bathroom floor, cuts lined up like tally marks on his wrist - a direct and highly intentional parallel to Virgil’s death - and a note left for Patton and Logan (they were  _ so _ much stronger than Roman had ever been), he reflected upon the day that everything changed.

Dee had been right, and after nine years of fighting, Virgil was finally taking Roman with him.

Just like the dark angel who had been everything to him, the dreamer fell with a smile gracing his lips.

They wouldn’t have to be apart for much longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I'm sorry.  
> Feel free to join my Discord server.  
> https://discord.gg/FjTdkh  
> Galaxy ||-//


End file.
